Mama

Nov 16, 2025, 9:34 AM

Mama

Play

00:00

23:20

Mute

Settings

(0:00) Oh man, not the mom issue again. (0:06) Seriously. I'm so tired of that.(0:10) Oh boy. Talking about mamas today. Wow.(0:17) They are so important. Hey, hey, hey. (0:22) Welcome all you yuppers out there.Yeah. (0:24) You amazing people that are taking charge of your life and looking (0:29) for healing and wholeness and hey, the, the redneck here, (0:34) Tombo Baldwin, your host. And, uh, (0:38) boy these podcasts are all over the place as I'm getting back in the groove.(0:42) I don't always introduce myself. I noticed my last podcast. (0:46) I didn't introduce myself.I am the host Tom Baldwin. (0:50) I like to go by Tombo. (0:52) It's a name that I picked up in high school because I loved Rambo and I (0:57) watched like Rambo first blood like way too many (1:01) times.Like I'm good. 50 ish times. Okay.Right. (1:06) It's like, Oh Tom, that explains a lot. And I'm, (1:09) I'm not even sure I'd like the movie now, (1:11) but Tombo kind of stuck and I kind of like it because now I've adopted it (1:16) that I'm a warrior for the people that want to find wholeness and (1:21) fighting the battle.And, uh, I'm a little unorthodox, (1:27) redneck self-taught, you know, I like the redneck thing. (1:30) I don't know if I'm truly redneck, but, uh, (1:33) I kind of like it cause I, I feel like I have some of those redneck ways, (1:38) but, uh, welcome to the yup. (1:40) I got you podcasts because I do got you.(1:44) And I saw there's some people out there that started another yup podcasts. (1:49) And I just want to say, I just want to bless them. (1:52) I hope they're bringing content that is really good and inspiring to people out (1:58) there.And we can share the same name. I'm not that possessive. (2:02) In times past, yes, I would've got all mad and let's do a lawsuit.(2:07) And Oh gosh, I'm not, you know, I love everybody, (2:11) but lawyers, I feel like you're just perpetuating, (2:16) uh, a bad thing to make a lot of money. You know, (2:20) I don't even know what lawyers costs these days. (2:23) Last time I needed one, they were close to $200.(2:25) I bet they're $500 an hour and really litigation. (2:30) And I, (2:33) if you're a lawyer out there, I love you as a person. (2:37) I would ask you to find a more ethical occupation unless you're protecting the (2:44) people from large corporations that are, uh, (2:48) maybe not acting as ethically as they could in our behalf.(2:53) But as always, Tom is getting a little sidetracked here. And yes, (2:58) today we're going to talk about mamas more specifically. (3:03) I'm going to just share with you my experience because in my life I have had two (3:09) mothers.(3:10) I've had my birth mother who I lived with till I was about 13 and my parents (3:15) divorced and I lived with my dad. (3:18) So I had a distant relationship with my mom like over longer distance and (3:24) probably not as frequent as we should have talked as we could have or maybe (3:31) should have. I don't, I don't know.That's either here or there. (3:34) That's in the past. (3:35) And so I'm not gonna debate whether that was healthy or unhealthy because I (3:42) really don't know honestly at this point.(3:44) And then I also had a stepmother as my dad remarried, (3:50) Oh three, (3:52) four years after the divorce. (3:55) I think some like that as we were living in, (3:58) in Billings, (3:58) Montana remarried and so I had a stepmother. (4:03) Yeah.(4:04) And so realistically in my life I've had two mothers and uh, (4:11) I'll just be honest here. (4:13) It has caused me a lot of pain and a lot of the issues that I deal with. (4:20) And you know, (4:21) I'm somebody that I'm all about taking personal responsibility and so I'm not (4:27) blaming my mothers.(4:29) But also within this podcast is a message to you out there who are mothers and (4:34) mothers, especially of young boys, but even of young girls, uh, (4:40) your role and your impact is so much more far reaching than you could ever (4:47) imagine. (4:47) Here I'm sitting podcasting as a 58 year old man dealing with issues of my (4:55) mother or have dealt with. (4:57) And maybe there are more issues that are gonna come up, (5:01) but I'm just gonna share with you.(5:05) I, (5:05) my wife has went through a breast cancer and part of this journey and then (5:10) she's passed it. (5:11) She got to ring the bell dingling so you know, (5:15) no more breast cancer and she's doing well. (5:17) Her energy's coming back.(5:19) She's, (5:19) she is amazing and um, (5:22) the changes that she has made in her life are amazing. (5:25) She is a, (5:26) a tribute to determination and uh, (5:31) steadfastness and perseverance. (5:33) All those words that we would love to be described about can be attributed to (5:39) her cause she is amazing.(5:42) But part of this journey and what is included in it is, (5:45) is counseling and it is extended to her and it is extended to family members. (5:53) And I went to a session, (5:55) she asked if I would come to one of her sessions and I'm there listening and uh, (6:01) you know, (6:01) the counselor watching the counselor, (6:03) her name is Caitlin and I think it's okay to say her name cause chances of you (6:09) finding out where she is or whatever. (6:11) And if you do, (6:12) she's amazing and maybe I should put her name out there cause she's amazing.(6:16) And I was listening to her talking to Adrian because Adrian has just uh, (6:21) spoken very well of her. (6:23) And uh, (6:25) cause my wife's first thing is I'm fine. (6:27) What do I need counseling for? (6:28) But she ended up going and it has been amazing for her.(6:33) And as I'm sitting there and I was like, (6:35) well she is really good. (6:37) Not, (6:38) you know, (6:38) just as an observer and knowing a little bit about counseling, (6:42) not a ton, (6:43) but really appreciating her. (6:46) And then Adrian's like, (6:47) I really wanted Tom to be, (6:49) have his own appointment.(6:51) And I, (6:52) you know, (6:53) she looked at me and, (6:54) and she's like, (6:55) what do you think? (6:56) And Oh, (7:00) I have no poker face here. (7:03) I had the ultimate talent. (7:04) I started crying and I'm like, (7:06) I don't want to, (7:07) but I think I need to.(7:09) And it's like, (7:13) and she's like, (7:14) she looks at me and she's like, (7:17) yeah, (7:17) she's like, (7:19) I'm really proud of you. (7:21) That's I totally get it. (7:23) And so she wrote me up on the calendar and uh, (7:27) yeah, (7:27) we began the counseling session and the first counseling session was really (7:33) amazing.(7:34) And we kind of identified, (7:36) uh, (7:36) and I'll just share with you. (7:38) I, (7:38) I want you to benefit from my experiences and I probably tend to be a private (7:44) person, (7:44) but if I believe something in my life or my experience can help you, (7:49) I'm going to share it. (7:51) I, (7:51) I'm not going to withhold that from my own privacy.(7:54) I, (7:55) I want our society and our community to be whole. (7:59) And if I can do that just by sharing and even helping one person, (8:04) I'm going to do that. (8:05) One of the things we identified is that I deal with a lot of fear and listening (8:11) to the podcast.(8:12) You, (8:12) you probably wouldn't think that, (8:15) but let me just remind you, (8:16) some of the bravest people are the ones that act in spite of fear. (8:20) And that's what I am. (8:21) I'm an incredibly fearful person who acts under a lot of bravery.(8:29) And now I'm dealing with that fear and that fear is going away and we're pulling (8:34) the layers off. (8:36) One of the things that Caitlin helped me do was just to begin, (8:41) um, (8:42) to take moments because I was occupying all my free time with my headphones, (8:48) listening to audio books, (8:50) listening to podcasts where I'm drinking my coffee. (8:52) I'm looking at tick tock.(8:54) Yes, (8:54) I'm a tick tocker. (8:55) I love tick tock. (8:56) Tick tock is amazing.(8:58) If you haven't discovered tick tock shop, (9:00) you probably shouldn't because it's kind of like Amazon and it's a little (9:05) dangerous, (9:06) but totally this mental space between my ears was all occupied all the time. (9:15) And I, (9:15) my body and my psyche, (9:18) my mind were suppressing things cause I was always occupying that space. (9:26) And she encouraged me to begin to take time as I drive to turn all that off and (9:34) begin to be introspective and begin to talk to my body, (9:40) talk to my mind, (9:41) talk to myself, (9:42) asking it what, (9:43) what it needs, (9:44) what it's dealing with and especially around fear.(9:50) And this is not even what the podcast is necessarily about because it's the next (9:55) session that was really important as far as the mom is. (9:59) But I'm going to share this with you cause it was important. (10:02) And when I would have a fear come up, (10:05) she encouraged me to say, (10:07) I see you.(10:08) And so whatever the fear is, (10:11) whether it was around finances or relationship, (10:15) or a circumstance at work or something like that to say, (10:19) I see you. (10:21) And then they hand it over to the higher power. (10:25) And for me, (10:26) that is the God of the Bible.(10:29) And I've started using a phrase, (10:32) Yahushua, (10:34) cause that is Jesus real name versus the one that was created for him is Jesus. (10:40) Um, (10:40) because it feels right to me to call him by his actual name. (10:45) And I think intention matters.(10:47) So you can still call him Jesus and, (10:49) and that's fine. (10:50) And that is the higher power that I handed over to the Holy Spirit and the (10:56) father. (10:57) And if you're not familiar with Christianity, (10:59) you don't really have to be to understand this.(11:02) It is seeing and acknowledging a fear as a real thing and then passing it along. (11:09) So it's no longer in my hands. (11:12) And that was hugely powerful.(11:14) Gosh, (11:14) what a simple and powerful tool. (11:18) And if you deal with some similar, (11:20) I encourage you to do that. (11:21) And if you take the time, (11:23) your body will speak to you.(11:27) If you ask your body, (11:29) your mind thoughts pop into your head, (11:31) memories pop into your head. (11:33) Those are not coincidences. (11:35) Those are divine encounters to help you move ahead.(11:40) And you may not even know what to do with it. (11:42) And you can even ask yourself, (11:44) what should I do with this? (11:45) And I believe your body will tell you or lead you to a place. (11:50) Like I was led to Caitlin through crazy circumstances really.(11:55) Um, (11:56) but has enabled huge amounts of healing in my life already and helped me, (12:04) um, (12:05) begin to just really position myself to discover the secrets of the universe, (12:11) which we are discovering here. (12:14) But let's, (12:14) let's go to session two. (12:16) And this really is about the mamas and a little background about session two.(12:22) Session two was after I went to visit my brother who was dealing with a pretty (12:29) severe diagnosis. (12:30) And as I was with my brother, (12:32) there were numerous conversations, (12:36) uh, (12:36) conference calls, (12:38) well, (12:38) uh, (12:39) calls on speaker phone. (12:41) So not an official conference call cause I think there's other technologies (12:45) involved where everybody can just talk into their own individual phone and still (12:49) hear each other.(12:50) So it was just a call in a hospital room on a speaker phone and uh, (12:56) talking to my mom, (12:58) which the conversations were really, (13:01) really good. (13:02) But what it did was took me back to my childhood. (13:09) And, (13:09) uh, (13:10) as we were traveling back from seeing my brother and even during the time there, (13:16) a lot of contemplation about, (13:19) you know, (13:19) for my brother, (13:20) he was a really good visit and he is amazing.(13:23) He's like Adrian, (13:24) a fighter, (13:26) the perseverance. (13:27) What, (13:27) what an amazing man he is. (13:30) And this is not about him and I'm not going to share his story, (13:35) but I just have to put those kudos out there cause possibly he's listening.(13:40) I just want to know, (13:41) want him to know. (13:42) I'm so proud of him and uh, (13:45) yeah, (13:46) his determination to get well and his, (13:51) his strength. (13:53) But during the season, (13:55) it's a lot more interaction with my mom than, (13:58) than I've had.(13:59) And to say anything less than we've had a very dysfunctional relationship would (14:06) be an understatement because our relationship, (14:09) um, (14:09) at least from my perspective is highly dysfunctional, (14:13) had been controlling in the past, (14:15) had been, (14:17) uh, (14:17) you know, (14:18) I was manipulated. (14:20) I don't want to place blame because parents do the best they can. (14:26) And as a parent, (14:27) I did the best I can.(14:28) I, (14:28) I can do. (14:30) And I know that my kids deal with issues around my parenting. (14:36) I did the best I could.(14:37) And, (14:38) uh, (14:38) you know, (14:39) I've given them permission to go to counseling that I won't be offended by that. (14:44) Cause, (14:45) and so my mom did the best she could. (14:48) And yeah, (14:48) I'm not gonna spend a lot of time talking about the issues that came up because, (14:55) well, (14:55) for one, (14:55) I don't think it would be honoring to her.(14:57) I know it wouldn't. (14:58) And I don't know that it's relevant, (15:02) but what ended up happening for me and it took me to a very sad place that I, (15:11) unlike a lot of people, (15:12) but there's a fair bit have had two mothers. (15:16) And from those two mothers, (15:18) neither one did I ever receive unconditional love.(15:22) And there was a real ache in my heart. (15:25) I was just like, (15:30) I felt like maybe there was some wrong with me. (15:33) Why? (15:34) And the saving grace for me is that my dad did love me unconditionally over and (15:41) over and over again.(15:43) He was a friend. (15:45) He was a wonderful dad and father and showed me so much love and compassion and (15:52) encouraged me to pursue whole healthy relationships and did his best not to (15:59) manipulate me to give me freedom and to think and to think differently than he (16:06) did. (16:06) And so it really helped.(16:08) But there was a hole in here in me that was missing. (16:14) It's like two mothers and both of them, (16:16) my stepmother and my real mother. (16:18) I felt like in the relationship with them, (16:23) it was about what I did.(16:25) And as long as what I did please them, (16:28) then I can receive love. (16:30) But when I didn't, (16:31) then I didn't receive love and I received other stuff and other stuff than love (16:36) is not fun stuff. (16:38) As many of you know, (16:39) it's like we can do without that other stuff.(16:42) Let's just leave the other stuff. (16:45) And so as a 15 year old man coming back from this trip, (16:50) I was just really aching and I was, (16:54) how do I heal from this? (16:56) And I really got stuck on how do I heal from this? (16:59) How do, (16:59) how do I move on? (17:01) How do I fill that place that was designed for a mother's unconditional love? (17:07) And I, (17:07) I knew Adrian couldn't fill it and the kids couldn't fill it. (17:12) And you know, (17:13) my dad's gone.(17:14) My stepmother, (17:15) you know, (17:16) is in a nursing home. (17:18) And you know, (17:20) I, (17:21) for better or for worse, (17:22) once my dad passed away and she was in the nursing home taking care of, (17:29) I really closed that chapter of my life. (17:31) And I'm not sure how you feel about that.(17:34) I'm not even sure how I feel about that, (17:37) but it was a chapter that I no longer needed to continue. (17:42) And maybe I would have to revisit that. (17:45) I don't know, (17:46) but I closed it.(17:48) And so how do I heal from this? (17:51) Cause I'm pretty sure I'm not going to get it from where I think I need it. (17:59) And that is from my mother's. (18:01) And if I did, (18:03) Oh, (18:04) I don't, (18:05) I don't even, (18:05) I can't even go there.(18:07) So as I got back, (18:09) I had a counseling session that was coming up. (18:13) And so I just decided to talk to Caitlin about that. (18:17) And something really amazing happened.(18:21) And I want to share it with you cause I think it may really help you along in (18:25) your journey. (18:26) If you have a similar situation with a father or a mother or someplace where you (18:31) just feel like there is something really missing. (18:34) And I just basically relate quickly to Caitlin, (18:38) what, (18:38) you know, (18:39) kind of what I'd been thinking about that and what had happened during the trip (18:45) and the increased interactions and the emotions and the feelings that came up (18:49) from this.(18:51) And as I did, (18:52) she asked me a question. (18:54) She said, (18:54) do you love your kids unconditionally? (18:56) And I'm like, (18:58) yeah, (18:59) I do. (18:59) And honestly I can say that I do.(19:03) Do I get frustrated when they do things that I don't think that are great for (19:07) them or the family? (19:09) Absolutely. (19:10) But do I still love them? (19:11) I do. (19:13) And does my love for them change? (19:16) No, (19:16) I still give them the affection and I don't withhold and I, (19:22) you know, (19:22) really do love them unconditionally.(19:25) And she looks at me and she says, (19:28) sorry, (19:29) tearing up here a little bit. (19:30) If you hear a little sniffling or snuffling and she is an amazing counselor. (19:37) Let me just say that.(19:39) And uh, (19:40) I am an advocate of counseling. (19:42) There are some real gifted people out there and she looks at me and she's like, (19:47) you're not missing a thing. (19:50) And all of a sudden that hole that I felt filled up and was gone.(20:01) Somehow my dad, (20:04) whatever, (20:05) my own choices, (20:06) I had already filled that hole and it was my misconception. (20:13) And once the reality of what was actually there opened up, (20:18) the whole closed. (20:23) Powerful, (20:24) powerful, (20:25) powerful folks, (20:29) the uppers rednecks out there can't tell you how many years that hole has (20:37) been there.(20:39) And in a heartbeat and a question in a moment, (20:45) it was gone. (20:47) And (20:50) the power of introspection seeking and intention, (20:56) you know, (20:58) led me to this place to Caitlin, (21:01) to this question. (21:04) Intention matters so much.(21:07) And I just ask you and secret of the universe, (21:13) put your attention towards healing and you will receive it. (21:19) And as your mind is healed, (21:22) renewed, (21:23) restored, (21:24) maybe even replaced, (21:27) you can begin to move. (21:31) Imagine because imagination is the vehicle towards that new reality.(21:38) Powerful. (21:39) And I just want to say some weird chance Caitlin listens to this podcast. (21:45) Thank you so much.(21:47) And I told her right then and there, (21:50) thank you. (21:51) And every time she gave me insight, (21:55) I would say thank you. (21:57) And or she gave me instruction.(21:59) I said, (22:00) I can do that. (22:02) Your affirmation and your words are powerful. (22:05) We've talked about words before, (22:07) but words are so powerful.(22:09) You got to be intentional about your words. (22:14) You've got to be intentional about your desire to heal. (22:18) Well, (22:19) we're going to wrap it up here.(22:23) Thanks so much. (22:25) You upwards for listening. (22:26) Hey, (22:26) and I just want to mention, (22:28) I'm offering on, (22:30) uh, (22:33) Oh, (22:33) I guess in the show notes, (22:34) you can subscribe and support me and, (22:38) would be an awesome way just to show your love.(22:41) I saw much, (22:42) I think it's like five bucks a month or something like that. (22:45) And Hey, (22:45) if you do that, (22:46) just know that I appreciate you and it's going to be returned to you. (22:51) Five, (22:51) 10, (22:52) 15 fold your generosity.(22:54) So thanks so much. (22:56) And, (22:56) uh, (22:57) Hey, (22:58) remember, (22:59) I got you. (23:00) I do.(23:02) I got you. (23:05) Oh, (23:06) you guys are awesome.